November's Daily_Deviant fic... I wrote the alternate pairing this month. For some reason no one wants to write Morfin Gaunt. :P

Title: "Alternatives"
Characters: Morfin Gaunt/Quirrell, Voldemort/Quirrell
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Non-con, Morfin Gaunt, Squickiness, slight crackiness? (Did you see the pairings?) castrati
Word Count: 1520
Summary: Quirrell lays in his bed at night, fidgeting. He used to sleep well, find comfort on his back in the softness of down blankets and the firmness of a good pillow and equally supportive mattress. But now he lays awake for hours, unable to deal with his own bony elbow poking into the side he has to lay on or to adjust to the soft pillow he must use now.
Author's notes: I'm sorry. Where was I supposed to go with this pairing? I mean, really? I think writing Morfin Gaunt in a fluffy romance would be far more terrifying than having him in a darker fic. Right? Right? :P

Fake Cut to Daily_Deviant!

"Alternatives"

Title: LMoM #21 Monkey Day!: "On the Ship of Remus"
Pairing: Remus/Sirius, Remus/Monkey, Remus/Teddy, Remus/elf, Monkey/Snape, Everyone/kitty!Minerva, Remus/Tonks, Teddy/everyone, Peter/Kreacher.
Rating: NC-17
Kink(s): Bestiality, wanking, sounding, incest, crack, squick, SONGFIC.
Word Count: 550
Notes: All subtitles and summaries are names and descriptions of perfume oils from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab and therefore belong to the BPAL powers that be. I'm merely fangirling them with Remus/Sirius pron. Deviating from BPAL in honor of Monkey Day!
And HP belongs to JKR, of course. Click on the pervy_werewolf tag of my username for previous entries.
Today's Scent Description/Summary: Dedicated to scribbulus_ink, enabled by snapelike, and set to "The Good Ship Venus" (Download and sing along!).


"On the Ship of Remus"

This month's daily_deviant fic is so, so very wrong. But apparently it is also rather cute? So I've been told. :P

The theme this month which I used was mucophagy- yeah, snot-eating. No one else had done it! Terribly shocking. So um- yeah- if you have a need to flail about chanting "ew ew ew", please read!


Title: "Snot On"
Author: pre_raphaelite1
Rating: NC-17 (So very, very wrong)
Pairing: Hagrid/Fang
Warnings/Kinks: rimming, bestiality, crack, Hagrid's crack, Severe Squickiness, Mucophagy (Someone had to do it.)
Summary: It wasn't Flitwick who came to him one Tuesday morning when everything was quiet but for the sounds of very wet and snotty grief echoing against the Castle walls and carried over the still lake.
Author's Notes: I blame this first of all on everyone who did NOT write mucophagy this month. Secondly on zevazo who suggested the pairing after I saw that Padfoot was getting lots of action this month. And finally on red_squared who was able to guess what I was writing by my assertions I was squicking myself- and who also gave me the title. And finally, I blame all insanity and mistakes on LMoM.

Fake Cut Alert!
"Snot On"

Title: Scentillation (Revisited) #12: Kindly Moon
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13
Kink(s): Crack. Crossdressing
Word Count: 1075
Notes: All subtitles and summaries are names and descriptions of perfume oils from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab and therefore belong to the BPAL powers that be. I'm merely fangirling them with Remus/Sirius pron. And HP belongs to JKR, of course. Click on the pervy_werewolf tag of my username for previous entries.
Today's Scent Description/Summary: Utterly ethereal, an exquisite expression of love: moonflower, lotus root, white gardenia, beeswax, peach blossom, blue musk, stargazer lily, golden osmanthus, ti, sandalwood, hyacinth, ylang ylang, and a touch of vanilla bean.

Fake Cut Alert!
Scentillation (Revisited) #12: Kindly Moon



First person to leave feedback gets to choose the BPAL scent as the prompt/inspiration for the next day’s ficlet! Should this not work out, I'll pick a reviewer at my discretion. Thanks to [Unknown LJ tag] for this one.

For LJ's Sopdetly:

( James/Lily/Padfoot )

For ladyblack88:
( Remus/Sirius )

For dannyyy:
( Hagrid/duck )


Enjoy. And don't forget to sign-up at hp_april_fools!

Right- My Christmas was depressing and unexciting. My mother is having surgery she doesn't want but needs... in the morning and was in raging bitch mode at everyone today and yesterday. We were all trying to please her but it just wasn't working, so Christmas mostly miserable.

No Christmas trees here at the parents either. And I got.. um.. 3 frisbees for my dogs who will eat them in 2 minutes flat, a thing of bubble bath which I do like, and a pair of slippers which I didn't need and are identical to the ones I have. My brother got a few gift cards and a $100 check.

*sighs* Yeah. This year sucked. I send sooo much love to clumsy_goddess as I was at her house this weekend and that was much more Christmassy and fun.


So, now that you've put up with my whine, have another pornsong. Last one of the season, even.


Title: "Hogwarts Christmas Hymn"
Pairing: Nonspecific
Rating: NC-17
Warnings/Kinks: General orgiastic perversion and a flaming phoenix
Notes: A new version of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" which you can sing to this version by Manheim Steamroller.

( Hogwarts Christmas Hymn )

Feedback will keep my version from being stuck in your head?

And here's your Day before the Day before Christmas sequel to "A Christmas Tale Sung by Wormtail the Rat... or Something Like That".


Title: "Voldemort's Christmas Carol"
Pairing: Lucius/Narcissa/Draco, Bella/Wormtail, Snape/Unicorn, DE Orgy, Voldie/Greyback?
Rating: R
Warnings/Kinks: Malfoycest, bestiality, crack, fisting, strap-ons
Author's Notes: I blame this on.. um... clumsy_goddess because I wrote it while in my underwear on her bed. And also snapelike. And- um... whoever asked for Snape/unicorn? Who was that? Lysa? Cnary? And cnary_crem_dght for the Snunicorn!
And for some moooood music, here's Nat King Cole's version of "Adeste Fideles"

( Voldemort's Christmas Carol )

Feedback is love!

Right- so this is probably the squickiest thing I've ever be involved in! And yes, I squicked myself at one part that I wrote.

I collaborated with two of the biggest perverts snapelike and cnary_crem_dght on a fic/art project for daily_deviant.

We are talking about giving prizes to people who make it all the way through our Christmas 'song'- set to the tune of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear".

Go on. You all want to read it. We're being told that it's so squicky, we're going to hell it's hilarious.


Title: A Christmas Tale as Sung by Wormtail the Rat, or Something Like That...
Authors: pre_raphaelite1 and snapelike
Artist: cnary_crem_dght
Characters: Arthur, Ginny, Moony, Wormtail, Sirius, Regulus, Crookshanks, Mrs Norris
Rating: NC-17 and NWS
Warnings/Kinks: Songfic (sort of), crack (definitely), incest, chan, bestiality, cannibalism, rimming, snowballing, sounding, necrophilia, gang bang, non-con, dub-con, scat, prostitution and adultery, a bit of blasphemy- and generally yuckiness!
A/N: *cnary and lysa1 point at pre_raphaelite* 'It is all her fault!!!' OI! What? Am I the ONLY pervert around here? *cnary & lysa, nodding* Yes! *sighs theatrically* Alright.

Fake cut to Daily_Deviant!
"A Christmas Tale as Sung by Wormtail the Rat, or Something Like That..."


*pushes all of F-List toward it*
*totally pretends she's not playing on iJ and pimping porn while she's administering a final exam*

OMG... daily_deviant's theme this month was Fake Spoilers and crack. They provided 81 false spoilers for DH as prompts. I used THIRTY-FOUR. Plus a few more that should have been on the list. My brain hurts.


Title: "WRiNCL-on-Thyme"
Characters: Everyone? Remus/Sirius, Tonks/Ginny, Harry/Ron/Hermione, Albus/Gellert
Rating: R
Warnings/Kinks: CRACK! Excessive use of parentheses, implied bestiality and public sex, disturbing visuals of Hagrid
Summary: 34 of the 81 fake spoilers provided, plus a few more. Can you find them all? :P
Author's notes: I am so, so sorry, world. This is complete and total cracked-out crack, though there is sex in it! Briefly. Sort of. At least it's not my art? And I sporfled while writing- not sure if that bodes well or not.

Fake cut alert!
"WRiNCL-on-Thyme"

Commenters go to heaven!

Right- so I wrote this a while back for a CommuniQuills related festival but I never posted it to my journal? WTF? I've deprived my F-List of Goats?

*rectifies*

Title: “The Lust of the Goat”
Pairing: Aberforth Dumbledore and Alice Longbottom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Goats, Aberforth's willy, and a lemon reamer
Explanation: Er- the premise was a charity auction where you bought a person for chores

( The Lust of the Goat )

Feedback is love!

Er... yes. I'm not really dead. But I got sucked into teaching and grading, court dates, hex_files, and writing most of all. My SpringSMut is all done, delightfully pervy, and over 3K. I have 4 or 5 more fics that I've written extensively on and may finish at some point in my life to post. I will also do a RL post at some point soon.

For now though, I bring you CRACK!

This was shamelessly begged from me by charlotteschaos, ladyblack888, and one sleepy puppy. Inspired by "this Diary Entry by Gilderoy" at hex_files, I present to you "All that Glitters (Has Stupid Names)".


Title: "All that Glitters (Has Stupid Names)"
Author: pre_raphaelite1
Pairing: Barty Crouch JR/Gilderoy Lockhart
Rating: PG-13
Length: 490 Words
Warnings: Crack, MPreg

( All that Glitters (Has Stupid Names) )
Feedback is sparkly.

Another 10 minute YM drabble demanded by the increasingly pushy marilla82 who bloody well better not be leaving me another prompt while I'm posting this...

Title: "The Rogue Freckle"
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mutinous body parts, unspecific nouns, and Sound of Music references

( The Rogue Freckle )

Blame this on marilla82 who made me do an on-demand drabble for her on YM that was of "pink socks" and "any pairing".

*shakes head at her*

She really shouldn't have.

( Pink Socks )

Because I was telling someone, though I forget who, about writing this... then realised I never posted it here or in my Archive (ie., it took me a while to find it)

jlarinda, do you remember that this one was largely YOUR fault as you demanded that "someone" write it? *giggles*

Oh, and it's not porn, oddly enough. Just a wee mishap in the animal lives of our Marauders.


Title: "The Real Danger in the Woods"
Pairing: Prongs/Padfoot
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Prongs' Prongs
Author's Note Originally written as a comment drabble in emeraldgreen's journal at the prompting of jlarinda.

( The Real Danger in the Woods )

Feedback is the band-aid on my ego.

I think my muse might be slowly returning? *pleads and prays and hopes and offers chocolate and sexual favours to her* I think my main problem is that all my current WiP's and bunnies are things for people and now my brain is twitching about responsiblity and obligation and GAH! *hates brain* That said, I will get them done. I'm trying, lovelies. *is determined*


So, anyway, I just wrote comment fic for sopdetly in response to that meme floating around and here it is.

Title: "Odd Coupling"
Author: pre_raphaelite1
Pairing: Remus/Jane Christie ("Coupling")
Rating: PG
Warnings: Shameless Crack Crossover (OMG I think it's my first crossover?)

( Odd Coupling )


Feedback is adored. Feedback feeds the muse?